Re: No Subject

I am currently sitting here watching "One Born Every Minute."  (Thanks Lauren - I'm hooked).  For those of you who haven't seen this show, its on Lifetime and it follows women having babies in a very non-TLC Baby Story way.  Its hilarious! However, they just showed this woman have a baby.  Like she just straight up had a baby.  On national TV.  When she was pushing I kind of felt like I was going to throw up but then this tiny little baby was there and I found myself tearing up - over a kid I don't even know.  I am officially an emotional basket case. 

Because there have been no horribly traumatic events between this and the last post I am going to just give you a quick update on whats been going on with me and Peanut. 

Lets see, I will start with tonight at Belk.  Namely because it has nothing to do with baby and more to do with my junk.  In my trunk.  Lots of it.  I went to get a new strapless bra because, well because the one from last year took one look at me, laughed a scared little laugh, and played dead until I put him back in the drawer with a sign.  So while I was there buying the largest piece of fabric I had ever seen (up to that point at least) I noticed that they had panties on sale.  **This may all be way too much information for some of you, but honest to God, it must be told in the name of full disclosure.** So I started perusing the clearance rack and I bought the LARGEST pieces of polyester and cotton I could find. If the bra I just bought (and the ones I bought previously - see earlier post about skinny women)  could house a family of Cubans in their escape to Florida, the panties I bought tonight could be their sail.  They could be in Miami in like an hour and half if the wind whipped up these things just right. In fact, they seemed so large on that hanger I thought about asking the elderly lady next to me if she thought these would be waaaay too big for me, but then the sales clerk asked if I was in my eighth or ninth month and I just said to heck with it, bought the parachutes and got out of there.

OKAY UPDATE: still watching this show and this other girl waited too long to have an epidural and is now having a baby naturally.  I am OFFICIALLY getting an epidural the next time Wyatt kicks too hard.  This girl is screaming and carrying on like no one's business and I am thinking that this is not the way I want to proceed.  Its really her fault though.  She is the one the messed around and waited too long to have the durn epidural.  WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE SILLY GIRL?  There is no reward for waiting the longest, you should have let them stick that big needle in your back hours ago.  Now look at you, sweating, and screaming and disrupting everyone else's labor.  All the nurses are scared of you.  You can see it on their faces as they scurry past your door with their heads down.

Lets see, besides that...Well Wyatt finally decided to make his presence known in full force.  He took long enough to start moving around so that I could feel him, but then at 22 weeks I felt like some of my organs were going to drop out of my body and after a solid day of this, I realized that yes, this is what these other women are talking about.  My baby is officially kicking the crap out of me. Now, I can't imagine a day without him beebopping around in there.  I just kind of wish that he would flip around and get his feet off my bladder.  Every time he gets to really kicking, I feel like I am going to pee on myself.  I am sort of getting scared that I am going to actually pee on myself in public soon.  And blaming it on the baby is kind of like blaming that weird smell on the dog - even if it was the dog everyone secretly suspects it was you the whole time.

And finally, I passed my glucose test which means that I can continue on with my daily cookie habit which has kind of slowed down in recent days anyway.  I know it has slowed down because there is a bag of Oreos that has been in the pantry for over four days now.  It is sad that so many cookies had to die so that this one package could live for more than 36 hours in our home.  This is some new kind of record.  I think its because I have moved on to chicken salad and Honey Nut Cheerios.  Not together, just as a necessary staple.  I have single handedly, just this week, eaten almsot an entire tub of Newk's chicken salad and one of those industrial size boxes of Cheerios.  As I sit here too lazy to get up and go to bed I am wondering if a third chicken salad sandwhich would be completely inappropriate for a Tuesday night.    Oh gosh, an entire box of Cheerios and a tub of chicken salad and its only Tuesday? Its going to be a long fifteen weeks.....I may actually be wearing sailboat sails as underwear before this is all said and done.